Saturday, January 31, 2009


Today is all about fears.
what to say? ...
I'm a hypocrat. (hypochonder in german, don't know if that's the correct translation)
this morning i imagined myself painfully dying from meningitis ...
Some think they are ill [that's me], some only see their evil deeds they've done, some get lost somewhere, some never can be satified, some cling on to beloved pet [oops, could that be me again?], some are running after something which they will never get, some ...
Everyone has to deal with something.
What is it?
It's the reflexion of our mindstate, our mirror. We should stop, watch closely and consider, sit on our but's and meditate.
Out of fear one wants, does, thinks one needs.
The fear not to have enough makes us greedy and attached. The fear to loose makes us clinging.

the almsbowl might not get full enough, the wind might blow away all broomed leaves, the backpain while brooming might be a first sign of illness, the fire might jump over and burn the trees, the man with the knifes who comes in to the buddhahall while meditation could be a thief or a murder, but no - he sells knifes.
have i pronounced these thai words correctly or did i call "fish, beautiful horse" instead of "monk come, help", while i was trying to cover a burst waterpipe with one hand while chaseing away fighting dogs with the other. [was funny, in a clear moment i used the waterstream to get rid of the dogs and remembered the main lever of the watersupply, got there without getting wet all over and masterd the situation before the monk was out of bed]
daily fears and worries of a forest nun.

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