I have the intense feeling that i should leave this place and give room for those who need and deserve it and for whom the kuti was prepared for. Monks.
I'm guest, living from borrowed tothpaste.
Although i like this place and people take good care of me i already have this farewell feeling in my heart.
That's the 1 step of making up mind process. So far so good.
The 2. Step, a good plan, where to go is not yet formulated in mind. But there are a lot of places, a lot of option.
In a few days i'm invited to ajahn"s "birthdayparty", i could stay at his monastery anyway. He wants me to come there. I can visit the bhikkhunis. Samaneri khema saranee invited me to come. I could go to japan, chinsan, dear friend, i'll contact you about this option, as soon as i made up my mind.
I can, of course, go back to mallorca. but maybe not yet. i need more time to meditate. Of the one year i wanted to be ordained only half year passed. And i have to find out if going home is an alternative to being homeless.
The no-more-to-be-teacher once mentioned that we could go to india this year. Since he said it i'm thinking that i really would love to do it. Maybe i could do it on my own.
Burma has some good teachers.
I don't know if i dare traveling just with my robes and my bowl. Wow, appealing. But today i don't dare ... mae chee's are suppose to pay for their travels. A big obstacle, it's not only that i don't want to touch money like every good monk, i don't have any. Just enough for one trip back in case something happens to my mother. I will defenately not touch it.
with exitement i follow the happenings ...