Tuesday, March 24, 2009


when i walked back to the monastery from almsround this morning, i saw a film team in a woodcutters camp not far away from where i stay.
Seemed to be people i happen to know and i thought of calling and asking if it's them. But in the end i didn't, nor did i go to watch what they are doing. Meditated instead. More important.
They brought some elephants for whatever film the are making there and throghout the day we heared the trumpetsounds of the movielephants. Sound as if they don't like the job.

It was raining a little ...

No more ants in my room but while meditating my whole body is itching as if some of them came back to tease me. Wanting to look, wanting to scratch but i did not.

Dear sister, i answer you here and not in comments, it's easier ...
Before i ordained i wanted to become a Bhikkhuni but that had much to do with pride. “If I can't ordain as Bhikkhuni”, I thought, “i do not ordain”.
While being ordained as mae chii i often found it incredibly unfair that i cannot ordain as Bhikkhuni and sometimes i cried over it. (The whole “Bhikkhuni-affair” is actually incredibly unfair, but that has nothing to do with me and it's not worth a tear.)
Now it is really not very important anymore. I live like a Bhikkhuni and i heard that i look like one. Asking the villagers how many people go now on almsround in the village, they told me “3 monks”, “3 monks and 1 mae chii?” i asked, “no, 3 monks” was the answer, “you inclusive”.
Monks need to be monks for 20 years to be allowed to teach Bhikkhunis, he has less. Hence, to be able to receive the teaching of the Dhamma in a language i can understand, a Dhamma that sounds like the Buddhas teaching and not like some catholic prechings or like some weird esothric stuff, i gave up the desire to become Bhikkhuni.
I'll keep you informed.

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