It was about time for a new determination: no lying down for sleeping and no interruption of meditation for no reason and may that cause my death.
Yesterday I was scared to go crazy, to be honest.
still I seem to have a fable for the dramatic. In the end I did not sleep or, lets say, I did not lie down but I slept sometimes while sitting.
in a break I checked the dogs. One, the white was very bad and weak, suffering, I sent an s.o.s. message for information how I could help this little suffering being. After the next set of meditation answer arrived.
When I checked this morning, the puppy was more dead than alife, already icecold and with faint respiration. I tried to warm and feed it. It couldn't swallow. It got a little warmer, but died in my hands silently. End of suffering for this one. The mother observed what I was doing and knew instantly that the puppy was dead and she gave up licking it while I was still hoping it would eventually breath again.
when i did a little ceremony for the dead, the mother dog came, sniffeled and layed down at my side. Later I burned the small corpse. I piled wood and put the body on top. The mother came and howled short then went to the still alife babies.
The woodpile twisted and fell over when it started to burn, the dead body rolled aside. I tried to pile everything again without burning my hands, the body had catched fire already. When I had everything in position again, I saw the process of burning of the little dog.
At one point, it made a short sound as if it was still crying and then some milk came shooted out of the nose. I don't go into more detail.
We all are going to be burned or rotting in a box under earth one day. I prefer to have this body burned when time comes, by the way. But don't watch it ...
it was a very intense experience after the first night of determination.
May that being find a better birth, may it be born close to the dhamma with the ability to listen, understand and live the dhamma. May it's journey to nibbana not be long.