Monday, October 26, 2009

strong woman

Mother is o.k., the surgery was without problems and that what was suspected to be cancer turned out to be harmless.
Second time i didn't need to go to germany. Relief. I would have gone in both cases without hesitation and complaints [do i say now, not going].
My mothers spouse gets along with the dog-i-love quite well although he, the spouse, can hardly walk.

I took chance to meditate either on metta [loving-kindness] for my mother or on impermanence and the suffering that results of old age and sickness and impressed myself with coolness about the ongoings. Only a week or two ago i cried like a child because i can't help my mother [i didn't knew by then, that she was not well and was more concerned about not being able to help her to get out of samsara]. Now i was clear and calm but prepared to act.

The plans to travel and be around and about while ajahn is not here changed. I just went one afternoon to met some people i know. It was nice to meet them, but i felt i have nothing to do out there in this world. In a place, where i was waiting i saw a part of a computeranimated movie, something like mars attacs goldengatebridge was destroeyed. Saw just a minute, but it was not easy not to be sucked into it. I used to like such computeranimated movies.
I'm still attached to movies, to orange superkitchy sunsets, dogs ...
So, I'm better on retreat again.

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