Friday, October 23, 2009

grumpy nuns

Grumpy nuns
Before i came here to this monastery i thought i will never be able to be amongst these grumpy old nuns for 3 month, now after 3 month and a half i know: most of these nuns are wonderful beings and the grumpy one - that's me.

I had an appointment to talk about future with Ajahn, it was done quick: 'you can stay' he said, that was it.
The bhikkhuni showed a little bit enthusiasm when i mentioned i will probabely stay [but don't give up the forest entirely for now].
Where- and whenever i find a place to ordain as bhikkhuni, afterwards i will be welcomed to stay here.

Someone accused me i only want to become a bhikkhuni to get a higher seat and better food.
If this was or will be my motivation for bhikkhuni ordination then i would really not be worth it.
Yesterday i heard that wanting to be bhikkhuni is wanting to make politics and fight for womans liberation.
Well when i was 16 i read articles of alice schwarzer, the german feminist and fought for womens rights, with 20 i was through with it, more or less ...
I just want to be a bhikkhuni and sit somewhere to strive for nibbana, with the blessings and privileges and rules and burdens of a fully ordained person, because the buddha said that's the way to freedom of suffering.
Life is short, tomorrow death may come, who knows.

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