Monday, May 4, 2009

wanting, wanting, wanting

this morning i had the almost unbearable desire to sing and to dance. i used to sing often before ordaining. meditation was since last night very poor. no concentration, could not sit long,wanted a goodie, i have been such a diligent yogi, wanted a break.

frustration: how could i have dared to think i might able to become an arahant in this life?
for further advancement: i'm too stubburn, to proud, too attetched, have not enough loving kindness, not enough humbleness and serenity. too many wild animals in the chest.

two of the puppies have left to their new homes today. mother and sister took it with equanimity. i was worried that the mother dog will suffer, but it doesn't seem so.
one puppie will remain here. lumpoh wants it. i wanted to give away all, the danger to get attached to to high.

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