Thursday, March 11, 2010

long ago that i wrote. It's because so many things happend, I could rather get by with updating. I was traveling better said, still am.
I decided about two weeks ago, beginning of march is a good time to go. There had a lot of restlessness arisen and it seemed almost impossible not to travel. Ajahn and Bhikkhuni were traveling to China, so why stay.
I heard that the ajahns were going to china to ordain Bhikkhunis in China, after first giving a retreat. I don't know if this holds true. If it does - i was not asked to join. so i felt like not having any commitment to stay.
versace-slipper had caused enought trouble by telling the nuns not to give me any food without garlic and them having to find ways to give me garlic-free food. It's impossible for a my Thainun-kitchenfriends not to cook any extra for me. I felt indepted and had no better way to help them to have less work than just leave. They sneaked around my kuti and spyed out if the monk is watching and then brought me food, the situation was so ridiculous. Not from the nuns side, of course, but for me it was an unacceptable situation in which the nuns had been, this was the next reason for my sudden departure.
Ajahn was not pleased,would i say from reading his face, for a brief moment he had his ice-face. It's a sight with the abscence of every warm and loving feeling which usually is visable in his appearance. I got that look before, when I left. One is emotionally just cut off. Well, it was not so this time, i was dismissed with warm smiles, but can somehow, until now, not get rid of the feeling that i was supposed not to go now.

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