Some meditation in the solitude of my room was needed to see more cleary about the Bhikkhuni-ordination-question.
What happened so far:
I found a very nice Lady in Sri Lanka who wants to promote my aspiration for Bhikkhuni ordination but, said she I need letters of support to convince the elders to give me full ordination and accept my mae chii hood as the required samaneri time of 2 years. Which in exceptions can be done.
So far, so good. I cryed some tears of joy about this mail and started asking monks to give me letters. The first request already was torn down by some arguments I really understand and I was invited to come to america and help to set up a meditation center there. That was the first reason why I ordained and why I came to Thailand. So why not go to America to do it there?
I cried again, when my request for a letter was denied and needed to meditate and find equanimity.
It might be a bad moment to ask Thai monks to help me with Bhikkhuni ordination, so I stopped asking for letters for now and will wait for another moment. Patience … the waves after the happenings in the Thai sangha about full ordination of women have to calm down.
Many thoughts arouse. Yes, the keeping 8 precepts is a wonderful practice for laypeople. They are trainingrules and if one ever breaks one, it doesn’t matter so much. Just try to do it better next time. No commitments, no punishments, no other then self control. This would be really IT, if people would take it more serious and would really try to keep them. But actually nobody does and nobody expects that one does. I talked with Ajahn about eating in the evening of nuns (in general, not accusing anyone) he said “well, for them it’s ok, for us” – and I was very grateful that he seemed to include me in this – “it is not”. Some try to smash mosquitoes while giving precepts even. (I saw monks and nuns doing it)
I’m in a good mood to just disrobe and go somewhere to set up a small meditation center on my own, creating a new form of Buddhist followers, the Buddhamaggikapugalla (don’t know if this would be the correct pali word for people who follow the Buddhas path), people who honestly keep the rules which make sense to keep in modern life, for men and women same rules and same treatment in case of breaking – compassionate rebuking after confession.
I will leave Thailand for now, soon. But remain in robes … Hope to be able to go to Sri Lanka and spend some time with Bhikkhunis there. Then, if I will get a visa, I’ll set off for America and check if it’s true what I was told: there is not much of a difference between monks and nuns in treatment and support and that people willing to keep rules are needed there to give people who are open to Buddhism some faith.
Departure needs some preparation and it may take some time .