Considering

to go entirely, with all heart the way the buddha went, towards enlightenment, one really have to give up everything.
old story, i know.
But giving up everything means giving up everything. absolutely.
As if one prepares for dying, nothing can be taken. EVERYTHING has to be left behind, all beloved, all goods, all wanting ...
Then walk ahead.
No backdoors no sideways, no secret exits.

heartbeat fast, pain, don't know if it's mental or physical.
NO, NO a voice is screaming inside. Wet of sweat all over, no clear thought anymore. No more noting of sensations. ego short before collapse.
That's not funny anymore.
...
Oh, I better go and broom some leaves.
0: 15683 for ego