today i have to work for a few houres in the afternoon. usually i did things that have to be done without thinking too much about it, just doing. this morning i woke up after five and a half houres sleep, as in the monastery - but with my stomac crumping, the mind distracted.
this work i have to do is absolutely no big deal, sitting in a gallery of arts, waiting for somebody to come in. normally nobody does when i trust the one who is doing this job normally.
got up early to meditate. i was very much thinking: nun, lay, nun, lay ...
could i, a former feminist and openminded western woman become a nun in thailand where women count less then man, where nuns are cooks and cleaningwomen of monks?
shure so far is: i want to study the dhamma and as soon as i understand enough of it i want to teach it.
on of this mornings thoughts was: it is clinging onto forms thinking that i can not become a nun unless the accept me as a bikkhuni (normally thailandes nuns are called mae chi and are not as respected as monks nor has the same rights, neither same responsabillities) it is unimportant and unproductive to think so because my heart is buddhas, my mind is the dhamma and this body belongs to the sangha of beings that practice the dhamma to find buddha-nature.
for a moment there was no doubt.
dana the dog dont like when i´m doing walking meditation, it seems to frighten it, comes with one of its toys and stares at me dropping the toy right before my feet. "come play, come play"
by the way, it time to take the dog out ...