Sunday, May 9, 2010

the story of the little one

long time back, humankind was not jet developed, a small creature lived in a place that is now known as Europe, in a cave in mountains that many millenniums later would be called the Alps.
The creature was, without her having knowledge of it, a female being, a young one. She was hairy but not as hairy as an ape. She was able to walk on two legs but sometimes it was comfortable to support walking with the long arms, when they were not used to carry or do something.
Although she didn’t know to count days or years and couldn’t tell her age (or was aware that something like ageing existed), she knew that there was someone living before her. Two creatures who cared for her, fed her, then showed how to find food herself, how to find shelter. Both creatures were taller than she herself but she was getting taller, as well. There were other creatures around, similar to her and to the taller ones, all living in a big cave. Some of the taller ones went away regularly to get other creatures, different ones, who were there for eating and for keeping warm. Some creatures, those tiny ones, were funny to watch, some creeping, some wiggling, some moving through the air. In the end it was all about finding out which of all these creatures were easy to catch and good to eat.
By the time she had noticed a changes, sometimes it was cold, dark and ugly and everything was covered with white, for a long time, or it was muddy and it was very difficult to find enough food. Then it got warmer and more pleasant very slowly, green sprouts and roots and moving food in abundance, then it got dry and warm and water was sometimes little and then all green disappeared. Most times it was cold, although she could not tell it was.
And there was another change she noticed, a quick change between light and darkness, warmer and colder, the dark was full of weird sounds although most tall creatures seem to be sleeping. The bright light sounds were friendlier, more familiar than those of the dark. Sometimes she watched the light dots above her but had no idea what it was or what or why the dark was.
When watching the moving things move, or the green things grow out of themselves or the light spots above her or when others came after some time with new food, she had feelings although she had now words for it. She couldn’t share with the others what was going on, not only because there were no words but as well because the others were busy getting food.
There was something inside her, moving, always, sometimes faster, sometimes slow, sometimes it seemed to jump out of her, in occasions. She had seen this in the others as well, there was always something moving, like they were full of this moving creatures they were eating. She was wandering what was inside of her. Was it the same like those beings that they caught and ate?
She had learned that there were dangers, that was when everybody’s insides were moving quickly but they hid and kept quiet. She understood that she, too, is food for others. She also had learned that some of the taller ones stared smelling stronger and losing the red liquid, at that time others of the taller ones were more aggressive and always around the bleeding ones attacking those who wanted to come closer. She had none of it, not the bleeding nor the being around aggressively - and was very happy about it.
Once it happened that 3 of the tall ones didn’t come back with food, among them was one of her caretakers. Others went to find food.
They had to eat a lot of green in the meantime. Suddenly, after eating, some of the others, tall ones and small ones, could not get up anymore, they were winding and whimpering, bad smelling liquid came out of their bodies and then they didn’t move anymore.
Only three bleeding tall ones and some short ones were left, when unknown walking-on-to-legs-creatures came into the cave. She, the little one, was in the back of the cave, not seen, hidden by a rock. She heard screaming, growling, beating, she smelled the red liquid and a smell that she knew from fear. She had fear, immensely. After a while all sounds ceased and she dared to look over the rock. She was alone …
After some getting bright and darks the smell in the cave was unbearable - the ones who had eaten the green didn’t get up or moved, they had changed color and looked like left-over-food when it was not eatable anymore - and she had not eaten for some time, so she left the cave. While she was looking for some green to eat, always looking out for unknown ones and carefully choosing only the green that she knew, she saw one of the tall ones she knew coming back from far.
No one else was coming back, but he had at least some food with him. The creature he brought had a back shield. She took it, cleaned it and managed to fasten it on her back. She felt strong and protected with it.
They left the cave and moved higher up on the mountain where they found another cave, good protected and not easy to find, right behind a cliff above a deep abyss. Here it was more cold and less food but enough for them to survive.
It was a perfect place to live, once other creatures came close to the cave and when they were on the cliff above the abyss, her caretaker just pushed them down the abyss and they never came back and he expressed his victory and triumph with roaring sounds wild gestures. That happened quite sometimes.
One day the tall one came to her, with a look and a smell she knew from the aggressive tall ones when they rub over the other tall ones that were bleeding. He came over her and suddenly she felt incredible pain. She screamed and wanted to get away, he forced her down and stared rubbing. She felt pain and fear and hatred. She was bleeding between the legs. Now she would be like those who were bleeding sometimes. She didn’t like that.
It was a cold white time, and he was about to go and get some food, without hesitation she came after him and pushed him over the cliff. She didn’t want him to rub over her again and she knew that he wouldn’t not come back anymore, once over the cliff. She felt strong, victory, triumph!
Only at getting dark outside she noticed that she was alone now. And becoming hungry, she noticed she had no more food. With next daylight she went out but could not find any green at all. She felt a fear creeping up within her stronger than she ever felt before. It was cold alone, and hunger weakened the body. Next day she walked further but found no green food. At night she couldn’t sleep of fear and hunger and she tried to get deeper in her back shield that had become smaller somehow. She tried to eat the cold white. It helped just very little and she was shivering of cold. She decided to go down and find the others in the old cave, they must be back.
She found the cave and approached carefully. It smelled different than when they had left. No sounds! - but they must have come back, the cave was not abandoned. She tried to find some green food, slowly without making noise and then headed back to the cave. When she heard sound from afar she ran into the cave without hesitation and hid behind the rock as she did earlier in danger. The face as much into the corner, crouched, with the back shield to the open, though, not visible until someone would come into this corner of the cave. She heard her heart beating loud in her ears and tried not to breathe although she seemed to need more breath than usually. She heard the sounds of the others coming closer, the sounds were not familiar. Someone else took over the cave.
She remained unmoved in the corner for hours, just listening to the unknown sounds and to her heartbeat. Fear, fear. No way out! Trapped! She wanted to see who had come to live in “her” cave but didn’t dare. A single sound or movement could reveal her presence.
She was hungry, thirsty and weak, highly concentrated not to move and to control her breath. The entire day and night. First it was pain all over not to move, now she couldn’t feel her body anymore.
Her inner made noises, she couldn’t control that. Then she heard someone coming closer, then she felt something cold or hot, not possible to distinguish, then it felt hot all over or cold, a light flashed inside her and then perception stopped.

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